But I still love... TF!

I think it the past weeks and probably month's I've written a lot, I mean I've covered everything.. I left out one part apparently. However, I gave hints...
Your Mind: he hopes you remember...

I'm going to say it regardless... But before that, not my proudest moment, but I'd like to put it out there that on every side of the game(dating)... I've been there before. The main guy, the side guy, the sneaky link, the male bestfriend, the cousin, the friend you shouldn't worry about, the "oh it's not even like that" guy... Mention it? Trust me I've been there.

So it's safe to say that on all sides of the scale, well... I'm him

Now there's something predominant in most relationship these days... Probably your's included👀... jk.. not really💀

Some of us have been in toxic relationships and I bet we didn't know that till now.

...

So what is a toxic relationship?

I am not Sophocles, or Seneca or one of those other guys who couldn't accept that life no balance and move on.. tbvh Like some stuff they said don't make no sense sometimes...

"A man with a spade, doth the man a book"

bro thought he cooked lol

I think I have to stay on track here... So toxic, okay, what is a toxic relationship? In my experience...i don't have an experience I think a toxic relationship is one where one party in the relationship... now with this I'm talking about a normal 2 people relationship, not the other variants y'all have lately... open relationship seriously??

so where one party in the relationship is being lied to, gaslighted, belittled, manipulated, used, even beaten sometimes on a regular...but they just can't leave regardless. What hurts most is some know that this is not right but they just can't.

...

Let me cook.

So the whole point of every toxic relationship at least from my point of view is that there is one emotional and mental mastermind or at least one of the other.

Modern day setting, some us are in or were in toxic relationships because we think that there's nothing good for us out there and we should hold on to what we have. Well, Mr. or Mrs. Shortsightedness, there's always and I repeat always better. In fact, it is because of this that I advice people to be intentional in their relationships, because if you set out your mind to look for better when you already have someone, not toxic, you might find it and you might loose what you have.

"Better is not always the best when it comes to relationships. What you have can be built to better, then best"

wow I feel so Seneca🤣🤣

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We don't know most times

Most times, we don't know we are in toxic relationships because we claim we are in love. But this is the fun part, I don't even think it's about love.

"Hope is a bitch"

excuse my language

We can't tell we are in toxic relationships because we have this voice in our head which is like
"They'll change"
"They'll get better"
"The best part is yet to come"
And honestly it goes on and on... The voice making you hear that yeah, that's hope and as I quoted earlier, it's a bless my mouth🥴

Sometimes, we don't know because we are not ready to accept the truth yet. Sometimes it's because when we finally do, we'd start to see soo many ways we could have avoided the situation and be better off somewhere.

From my experience, I don't have some really, just passing someone's as mine, you can do so much as to bring the toxicity of a relationship to light, usually to the victim, but it's never going to change anything unless they realize the situation for what it is themselves. And that's the sad part...
"You are the only one who can walk out of a toxic relationship"

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The Stages of "Oh Wait... This Ain't It" 🚩

Let's break down that moment when your brain finally catches up to what your gut's been screaming about, you know, that point where your "smart" brain, of which you have used to even give advice to others on relationships finally figures it all out, lights, camera, _I really hope there's no action"

This is how it goes usually, The Squint 🤨. Something feels off but you're like "Maybe I'm just overthinking" me: you were not overthinking. Then our brain, that guy, starts to come up with very creative ways to gaslight us, The Excuse Factory 🏭 Your brain working overtime like: "they had a rough childhood", "the stars weren't aligned", "their horoscope said they'd be difficult this month", "that reel was like it be like this sometimes", trust me, some of us get even more creative. Then finally, after years of the torture, the struggles, the pain, The Reality Check 👀, when your bestie, which should obviously be off thesame sex if you are in a relationship, I know we are talking about toxicity but I had to just put this one out, hits you with that "So let me get this straight..." and lists everything you've told them, and suddenly you're like... "Oh... OH.". Then here comes the best part, where we could do some much research than our final year project, we go deep down into untapped waters, out of reach of the powers that may be, okay i think that's enough, The Documentation Era 📝, you start keeping receipts like you're preparing for a Supreme Court case, screenshots, voice notes, that weird text they sent at 3 AM, the FBI investigation, all of a sudden, we're paying attention to everything... everything's evidence now.

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Let's Talk About That "Friend" 👀

Remember that friend who kept telling you "this isn't right" but you were like "you just don't understand our love"? Yeah, turns out they weren't just being haters. They were watching our romantic tragedy like it was a horror movie and we were the main character just can't take a hint... sighs

YOU: "But they apologized with flowers!"
YOUR FRIEND: "They literally called you worthless yesterday"
YOU: "But you don't know them like I do"
YOUR FRIEND: facepalms in best friend 🤦‍♀️

And let's be honest, that friend deserves a PhD in Patience because they've been listening to the same story with different dates for the past 6 months. 📅 It gets to a point where they can even tell the behind the scenes without you saying a word... At that point, just know that, we're cooked

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The Withdrawal Symptoms 🎭

Now fren, the spelling is correct fyi, let's talk about that part nobody mentions, the emotional detox. It's like trying to quit porn, except instead the lock in, you get a whole movie script playing in your head. Let's paint this picture right... It's 2 AM, you're lying in bed, staring at your ceiling fan like it's about to give you the answers to life's greatest mysteries, and suddenly your fingers start doing that thing where they hover over their contact. The urge so strong, but so is your dignity. 📱

And then there's that voice, you know the one, whispering "Maybe I was too harsh" like you didn't spend the last six months being a professional emotional bomber. The mind starts playing tricks, and before you know it, you're deep in the classic social media stalking marathon, analyzing their latest posts like how we should've been with our slides, and verily I say unto thee, what is First class?

The worst part? That one song comes on... you know the one. It hits different at 3 AM when you're vulnerable and your finger is itching to hit that unblock button. (Don't. I repeat, DON'T!!.) 🎵 Your brain becomes this creative director, producing these elaborate scenarios where they've magically transformed into this perfect person who's learned from their mistakes and is probably thinking about you right now. Spoiler alert: They're not.

Let's be real for a second here, the conversation in your head goes something like this: YOUR BRAIN at 3 AM: "But what if they've changed?"
SOMEONE SENSIBLE(ME): "They literally posted a toxic quote on Instagram 2 hours ago"
YOUR BRAIN: "Maybe they posted it for someone else?"
REALITY: Bruh... please. 🤦‍♂️

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The Red Flags We Painted Green 🚩

Let's have a heart-to-heart about all those red flags we saw but decided to paint in different colors. You know what I'm talking about, those moments where our brain does the "risk-reward" programme. First, there's the classic "They're just protective" narrative we feed ourselves, when in reality, they're tracking our location like on snap. And don't even get me started on the "They care about my social media presence" story we tell ourselves, while they're basically conducting a FBI investigations on every like, comment, and emoji we've ever received. And every status and story we've every put up. 📱

Now I think you're probably wondering, Doesn't this seem too detailed and personal?... Yeah, I'm wondering too.. kinda

Then there's that special kind of delusion where we convince ourselves that wanting to know our exact coordinates 24/7 is somehow romantic. "They just want to make sure I'm safe", we say, while they're essentially treating us like a walking, breathing GPS signal. And the crown jewel of all our self-deception: "They get jealous because they love me" - ah yes, because nothing says true love quite like getting into a fight because you smiled at the delivery person. 🚫

The conversation with our past self would probably go something like this: YOU FROM THE PAST: "It's kind of cute how they get jealous when I talk to others"
YOU NOW... I hope: "What in the toxic heaven was I thinking?" 💭

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The Recovery Blueprint✅

Here's the real talk about healing from a toxic relationship, it's messier than your room after trying on outfits for church on Sunday. Some days you're walking around like you've got this healing thing down to a science, posting inspirational quotes and telling everyone who'll listen about your "journey to self-discovery". Then boom, not literally, it's 2 AM and you're googling "How to make someone fall in love with you" while you should be sleeping.

The healing journey isn't some straight line from hurt to healed. It's more like trying to find your way home drunk, I have no experience with this btw, lots of unexpected turns, occasional backtracking, and sometimes ending up exactly where you started. Let me break this down for you;

First comes the Denial phase, where you're telling yourself and anyone who'll listen that "It wasn't that bad" while your sensible someone gives you that look that screams "Are you serious right now?" Then hits the Anger phase, suddenly you're channeling your inner Shakespeare, drafting messages you'll never send, complete with the classic "The AUDACITY!" monologues. The Bargaining phase sneaks in next, with those late-night thoughts of "Maybe if I had just..." stop it...just stop.

Just when you think you've hit rock bottom in the Depression phase, asking yourself "Will I ever love again?" while watching romance movies and arguing with the characters, totally unrelated.. but I do this anytime I watch Vampire Diaries". You reach Acceptance, that moment when you can finally say "Actually, I'm good luv, enjoy" and actually mean it. But honestly a blue tick, left on read, or seen works best. But that shouldn't be an issue because we were listening and paying attention and they're blocked

**Right??**👀

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The Plot Twist 🎭

Now here comes the part that's gonna have some of you feeling personally attacked, sometimes, just sometimes, we're the toxic one. And I can already hear the gasps and see the eye rolls, so let's have this conversation real quick:

YOU: "Wait what?"
ME: "Yeah, I said what I said"
YOUR CONSCIENCE: "Remember that time..."
YOU: "We don't talk about that" 🤫

Let's keep it a hundred with ourselves for a moment. Think about it, have you been creating drama just because things were too peaceful? Playing those little mind games because you were bored? Testing their loyalty with fake Instagram accounts and allegations? Making them feel less than because you were feeling insecure? Creating situations for attention because... well, just because? If you're sitting there feeling a bit called out, maybe it's time for some quality time with your reflection buddy, obviously not that friend who is pretending and secretly wants your relationship..

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The End... For Real This Time

So here we are, at the end of our toxic relationship TED talk, and let me tell you something about being intentional. It's not just about your next relationship or your healing journey, it's about being real with yourself. It's about recognizing when you're healing and when you're just posting healing quotes on social media. It's about setting boundaries that aren't just for your post captions but for your real life too.

Your healing journey is yours and yours alone. Your growth isn't a TikTok transition challenge, it's real work, real tears, real progress. Your next relationship? That's not a rebound episode waiting to happen, that's your chance to show up differently.

And remember this one thing, if nothing else, just because someone's toxic doesn't mean you have to drink the poison.

"Sometimes the best love story is the one where you finally love yourself enough to leave"

okay, I actually cooked with this one 🔥

Stay toxic-free my friends... unless it's that good kind of toxic, like idk really or Twitter drama you're not involved in. 😌✨

PS: If you're reading this and feeling attacked... good. That was the point. 👀

Until we meet again frens... again, the spelling is correct