Delulu: Our Relationship Masterclass

So I guess we were all wondering when I would finally write on this, YES!🎉 . I know.
I mean I've written on sex🔥, virginity👀, love❤️ and priorities. Those where the basics, but this is the real deal. And it's going to be boringggg...🥱 JK.. this is going to be funnnnnnnnn!!!!!.🔥 But before we discuss that relationship which is obviously not going to lead into marriage, I'd want to clear this out first..
PS: "I'm not a lover boy"😏

So low-key, we're all psychological warfare specialists when it comes to relationships... fr. It's from when you're deliberately being cold, not because you're genuinely upset, but because you want to see how they'll react.. yeah, that's our specialty. We create these elaborate scenarios in our heads. Like "if he doesn't text back in the next 17 minutes, I'll know he's not serious" Or the classic one, my personal favorite, "I'll wait exactly same or more time than he did before I reply, to show him I'm not desperate" 🕰️🕷️

And overthinking?? Lord have mercy. One blue tick can send us spiraling into an existential crisis. Did they see my message?, Why didn't they respond?, Are they ignoring me?, Are they with someone else? Are they dead?
Are they dead with someone else?... I left this for the dramatic ones actually. 🕵️‍♀️🔍

And let's be real, we've all been there. That moment when your brain turns into a conspiracy theory generator, creating entire soap operas from a single unread message. One minute you're calm, the next you're planning your dramatic exit speech, complete with imaginary audience applause. It's like our minds are Netflix producers, and we're the stars of the most chaotic romantic comedy ever. 🎬🤯

...

The Unspoken Rules of Modern Dating 💔🌐

There's this unwritten handbook of modern dating that nobody talks about but everybody follows, a number of these at least for a category of people are never show too much interest, always have a backup plan, emotions are for the weak, never double text, never be the first to say I love you and chale it goes on and on. And we're all drowning in them actually. 🏊‍♀️💦

Social media has turned us into these performative relationship artists. We're curating our relationships and love stories like instagram reels, snapchat stories etc... only showing the highlights, the good parts, the happy moments. And we're all guilty of this. We're all guilty of pretending that everything is perfect, that we're happy. But behind the scenes? It's a messy, complicated, beautiful disaster. 📸❤️‍🩹

We've become masters of the highlight reel, careful curators of our digital love stories. One perfectly angled photo, a cryptic caption that suggests everything and nothing, and voila! We've just convinced the world... and maybe ourselves that our relationship is #CoupleGoals. But ma, we all know the real tea is in the unfiltered, unedited moments that never make it to the 'gram. 🤳🍵

Now let's start this, the usual African experience, the newbie variant. For this usually, at least one is shy. And it goes with the attention, long talks, the online confidence, the dates you'll plan and never go on, the "When we get married" part, then 3-6 months in the relationship when y'all are getting "comfortable", we get to the interesting part.... when darkness is everyone's best friend, unless he doesn't hold your waist or you don't hold his hand in a certain way or he/she doesn't pull you in closer a bit.. y'all are looking for the nearest dark corner to do the do. 🌙🔥

Looking at the next variant, the I think my love story is a Netflix movie variant, well this is usually happens to the delulu's of us. The ones that think they are in a movie, and they are the main characters. And it's quite fun to watch, but it's not fun to be in. This is the type of relationship that you'll be in, without a real reality check and you'll be thinking you're in a movie. And when the movie ends, you'll be like "What the hell just happened?". Then it's either you become a strong believer in the Faith, a social media influencer, the motivational speaker phase or the "I'm never going to love again" phase, which is usually the most common. And then you'll be like "I'm never going to love again" and then you'll be in another relationship in 3 months. And the cycle continues.🔄

Seriously, we're out here living like we're in some elaborate romantic comedy script, complete with dramatic monologues and unexpected plot twists. One minute you're the heartbroken protagonist, the next you're the unexpected love interest in someone else's story. It's like we're all method actors in the grand theatre of modern love. 🎭❤️

...

We are not really looking for commitment🚫

I remember seeing a meme a while ago and it said this...

"Boys dey use relationship secure knacks, girls dey use knacks secure relationship"

idk who said this, but they cooked!!

And it's actually true, we aren't looking for serious stuff, most times we just want to have fun then it gets complicated, and we start to catch feelings... this is the painful part or sometimes fun was too good you want to have fun again. Now if you are in this phase, you are either going to be in a relationship that will last for a while or you'll be in a relationship that will last for a while. And then you'll be like "I'm never going to love again" and then you'll be in another relationship in 3 months. And the cycle continues. 🔄💘

No.... not really

E just for tear your eye top🥱👀

We want depth, but we're terrified of being truly seen. We crave intimacy but build walls higher than the Great Wall of China. One moment we're craving connection, then the next we're pushing people away.. sigh. 🧱❤️

"I want you to know me, but I'm scared of you knowing me.. don't you dare get too close"

me and my crush in my head

Let's be real, we're walking contradictions. We write poetry about vulnerability in our notes app but run faster than a thief at risk of being caught when someone tries to get emotionally close. It's like we've got an internal security system more complex than our app locks, but we're secretly hoping someone will find the secret password. 🏃‍♀️🔐

Now rare cases, it's both sides wanting this to work. And usually it's nice that one... but those can get very complicated so fast. There's the overthinking, the fault exploiting and the too good to be true phase and if you know what I mean you'll understand why it get's too complicated. However, there is this particular class of people I'd talk about next. 🎢💑

...

Let me test them

Self destruction, we do it like it's some piece of cake. When things are going too good we want to find faults, because we're like "daughter of Jezebel I'm still waiting for the Season Finale", here's the case the finale isn't coming, everything is all too good so now I have to become the problem. Trust me, We exist!. And we don't really want to be the problem but we want to know if you'll stay. Sometimes it's trust issues or insecurities or I've been here or seen this before, sometimes its neither, we are just daredevils 🎢🔍

YOU: the voice in your head reading this having a convo with your brain "He's using WE a lot, is he talking about himself or is he talking about a group of people?"
Your brain: "I think he's talking about himself"

ME AF: "It's not me wai"

These daredevils exist regardless. We're the emotional equivalent of test pilots, always pushing the limits, always seeing how much turbulence a relationship can handle before it breaks.
Spoiler alert: we often break it ourselves just to prove a point. 🛩️💥

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The Conclusion... Well not really

After going through our emotional and psychological rollercoaster ride, we surprisingly still can't answer or think of answering a quite simple complex question.. Is this the one?.
Well, ladies and gentlemen, **I don't know the answer too..**😂😂

But I can say this, *there are many ones*, yeah you heard me right. In fact, scratch that anyone is a potential one. And I'm not saying this to be a player or to be a heartbreaker, I'm saying this because it's true. There are many ones out there, and you'll find them. Intentionality is really the deal here. I mean, one day those butterflies in your stomach would die, disappear or get hungry.. What happens then??
One day you won't feel the same way you did when you first met them, what happens then??
One day you'll wake up and realize that you're not in love with them anymore, what happens then??

This is not a free pass for toxicities, it's a reality check 🚦❤️

Let me repeat that again,
DON'T STAND ON THESE TO BE IN A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP 🛑🚫

And just to drive the point home, love is not about finding your other half, it's about two whole people choosing to walk together. Not completing each other, but complementing each other. Big difference. 🚶‍♀️🚶‍♂️

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The End

Okay so this might actually be the end 😂😂... wipes my non-existent fake tears I think we know we're probably not kids so the sex and related business stuff... just be guided...
And if you're in a relationship, be intentional...

And if you're not in a relationship, be intentional...

And if you're in a complicated relationship, be intentional...

And if you're in a relationship that's not leading anywhere, be intentional... no sorry... you're obviously not going anywhere

So yeah, be intentional... and be guided... until we meet again I'd leave you with this quote I stole from the TV Series The 100, bruh... they prolly stole it somewhere too I'm sensing🥱

"In peace, may you leave this shore. In love, may you find the next. Safe passage on your travels, until our final journey to the ground. May we meet again"

The 100, probably stolen... again